Processing

The story of my life lately. Processing, analyzing, organizing and taking out the trash. My mind and life feels like my mom's attic. So packed you have to take everything out to find anything. Filled with old things, things that are molding and falling apart, things you should have gotten rid of YEARS ago, but couldn't let go or forgot you had. I have been praying for God to clean me, to streamline my life, make me more efficient. My mind feels like a messy house that you can't quite get on top of and keep clean. I feel like I am failing in every aspect of my life, and I am, quite frankly, freaking out. And breaking. But I am hoping that this is just a major spring cleaning and that this is what I have to go through to clean house. I am so majorly, newly (again) aware of my massive need for God and his mercy and love and wisdom.
I really need balance. I need to know what God has called me to, and what He hasn't.
I've gotten used to being the mother of toddlers and baby's, but Bella is not a baby or toddler anymore. She is almost out of preschool age and i feel like that has snuck up on me. Where did the time go? It takes a whole new level of discipline to be the mother of an almost 5 year old-especially since i plan on homescholing.
Please pray for me, that i can be that girl again that could get up at 4 every morning and work 2 jobs. That God would give me supernatural powers to be the best mom ever. That I would know who I am called to help-and who I'm not.
I feel so lazy, and my main thought every day, (for those of you who've read Laura Ingalls,) is "how on earth did the mom's work as hard as they did?"