A LOVE LETTER TO MY CHILDREN

My children (I love saying that) are incredibly precious and wonderful and loving. It humbles me, how much I don't deserve them. What a gift from God, the honor of being a parent. To be loved unconditionally and devotedly. They think I'm the coolest, with no effort on my part. Every morning, the first thing they do is run to find me and crawl in my lap to cuddle. It's only when my focus is off that things get hard. When i put other things ahead of them. Bella, my oldest, who right now is hanging on my arm head- butting me is my little helper. She's my sidekick number one. Hannah, my second, is crazy. She has no fear, and fills her place as sidekick number two. Nathan and I are never bored with them around. They are endlessly hilarious and cute. I was amazed at each of their births on how i was never able to take my eyes off them. Everything they did was fascinating. My girls. Today was Halloween, and Hannah was the cutest little bumblebee poohbear ever, and Bella was a beautiful delicate patient Princess.
I am striving and praying to be worthy of my children.

Today has been really hard. All day i've been attacked by feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, fear, depression. I feel useless and stupid and a waste. A drain on everyone around me. Then I rally a bit and remember , no, thats not true. So everything isn't perfect down here. So we don't have a booming outreach house going yet. So we only get out 3-4 times a week to minister (which is quite a big deal with 2 kids and one in my belly.) We've faced some incredible setbacks already and we've only been here 3 and a half months. I just feel so small in stature compared to the ministries greats'- Leilah, Cate, Scott, etc- I could go on and on. Nathan and I are such great support people, its hard being the pioneers down here. And with him having to work full-time, I'm alone. We had such a great house- location wise, at least. But it soured so quick- before it even had a chance to take root. I'm praying for a house that is central, that people can come to day and night and feel loved. We need some apostles and prophets and evangelists down here. Leilah, where are you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you were only here to bring them, i would feed them

I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday. i LOVE technology. This is the third time i've heard a heartbeat amplified out of my belly. It's incredible. I had such a successful day. The house is clean, there's pita bread, dahl, chai, rice and my husbands' favorite cookies in the kitchen. What a cool thing, to have someone in my life i can bless randomly-and who i know how to bless better than anyone else.