Life as a mother of three

Is driving with one hand so I can keep the pacifier in the baby's mouth with the other. Is running to the kitchen to grab some toast and cheese and then running back to bed because the baby is still hungry and screaming. Is feeling overwhelmed and undone, but at the same time giddy with joy and overflowing with thankfulness. 5 years ago I was a girl. Now I am a woman with three beautiful daughters. Wow.

This birth was much different then the other two. I have never taken childbirth classes. The closest I came was during this pregnancy, from all the studying I did as part of my doula training. I never knew about breathing or coping rituals. And I actually had a doula this time, to walk me though both. Well, actually just the breathing. The coping ritual just kinda started on it's own-I think because it's the first birth I felt completely free. I was terrified before I went into labor, and when it first started I was still pretty darn scared. But having the doula there, as someone who would hold me to the desire I had of not taking pain medication, forced me to cope and give in to the contractions. When it first started, we walked out to the garden and I remembered what my friend Rachel said about picturing herself soaring above each contraction. That only worked for about three contractions before I needed something more intense. But during those three contractions, feeling the sun on my face and the warm wind blowing, i felt such a thankfulness that my face didn't hurt, or my arms or legs. I gave thanks for the blessings I had right then.
I knew I was going into transition because I started feeling nauseous, so I told my doula Colette I needed to get back into the room. We got back and I went to my knees on the floor. She was coaching my through, telling me to breathe, and unclenching my hands when I would start to tense up at the beginning. I remember thinking "I hope i'm in transition because this is INTENSE." The contractions were 2-3 minutes apart right then. And the slow breathing just wasn't cutting it. So i switched into a high gear version and started blowing raspberries non-stop. I had an oxygen mask on too, later on, and Nathan said I looked like a pilot but sounded like a motor boat. I had been reading about estatic birth, and feeling highly skeptical and highly envious,
I asked God to give me that experience. Well, after I started the motor thing, the contractions started feeling amazing. I got really warm and my face was tingling like crazy. It definately required all my attention, and I had to keep up the motor lips or i started slipping, but I had a really good time. And after they put the oxygen mask on my face, It felt even more amazing. It's amazing how much the whole birth experience colors your perception of having kids. Hannah's birth was so hard, I thought, never again. And I was so tired. After this birth, I was feeling on top of the world. I can't believe it was only an hour and a half. I just want to give thanks to God for casting out my fear and giving me a taste of heaven.