Trapped

I'm in need of serious prayer right now. I don't know what changed this week, for me-or if this has been growing for awhile, and is just now noticeable, but I feel trapped. Trapped, by my beloved Santa Cruz. My home, my dream, the place i always longed to be, is strangling me. Maybe, i tell myself, it's just a mood, maybe it's because you are pregnant and scared-scared of how expensive this place is, how the price of living here just keeps rising, and rising; and the thoughts tumble through my brain, chokingly-how are we going to raise 4 kids here? How are we going to have ten kids here, like I hope? I was looking through the classifieds at rentals and realized the futility-what use would it be, to move to another two bedroom? Which is at the very limit of what we can afford. And then I come back to faith-the realization that we have never lacked here, that God has led us here, that He has used us here in mighty ways. We have touched lives and forged heartstrings and there are friends here i dearly love. I need the peace and trust to look around, to stay in the moment, to rest in the fact that right now, this moment, this month, this year, we have everything we need. We always have everything we need. Never more or less. I need to stop looking at the needs of the future and freaking out. Jesus is taking care of us.