Attack

Life seems very heavy lately. For both me and Nate. We're back in the "drag". You know, one it seems like your whole life revolves with maintaining. Just to sustain our life here, he has to work 6 days a week at a job he enjoys, thank God, but in the long run is meaningless. How do the majority of poeple in the world live like this for 20, 30, 40 years? A very wise friend (if you're reading this, Rae, I'm talking about you!!) told me that if you look at every thing in your life in terms of seasons (asd in, this isn't going to last forever) anything is bearable. Maybe, even enjoyable. I know part of the reason I'm feeling so worn thin is that I'm pregnant. It just makes the mood swings i already deal with more intense. Poor Nate, his whole life is supporting us. At least I get to be around the kids, and go out and try to minister.

This little baby is killing me. She already feels like she weighs ten pounds. And I have two months left!!!!!!!!! I think about the women i know with 5 or more kids and I shake my head and marvel. I will die if I get pregnant again. I'll die. There's nothing left to give, physically. I'm so grateful for my kids, though-and the ease i had (at least) in GETTING pregnant. I'm skeptical about the baby being a girl. Hopeful, but skeptical. This baby is such an explorer. I really want to be done with having kids. I want to pour myself into the ones I have. I'm so ready to have this baby. I already ordered and received the birth supplies i needed to get.