The Cutest Bumblebee ever

This is Bella's artistic rendition of our family

PSALM 36
5-9

Thy lovingkindness, O Lord,
extends to the heavens,
Thy faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Thy righteousness is like the mountains of God;
Thy judgements are like a great deep.
O Lord, thy preservest man and beast.
How precious is Thy lovingkindness, O God!
And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Thy wings.
They drink their fill of the abundance of thy house;
And Thou dost give them to drink of the river of Thy delights.

For with Thee is the fountain of life;
In Thy light we see light.

PSALM 37
1-6

Fret not yourself because of evildoers
Be not envious towards wrongdoers
For they will wither quickly
like the grass,
And fade like the green herb.
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the Land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
And He will bring forth your
righteousness as the light,
And your judgement as the noonday.

So I've decided to change my name. Sara doesn't fit anymore. My new name is Butterfingers. I'll be holding a glass or cup (full of liquid) and all of a sudden it falls. I swear it's the weirdest thing. I don't know if my hand stops working or what the deal is, but it only happens when I'm pregnant. Every day when I'm pregnant. I wonder if my mind blinks out and stops paying attention to my hand. It's the worst at night when i reach for the water and end up dumping it all over our bed. Which is no fun anyways, but even worse when you live in mold-land, aka the redwoods. When I was pregnant with Bella, one day my friend Julie (who we were living with) asked pitifully "Do you know what happened to all my cups?" When I first met Nate's mom I was pregnant, and I broke her favorite coffee cup that she had for like forever. Not very endearing. At least I haven't broken anything this pregnancy. Yet.

A woman of Honor

When me and Nathan first got married, I wasn't exactly what you would call a woman of honor, in the context of Proverbs 31. I wasn't even a woman- I was still a girl. Over the almost 5 years we've been married, I've become more and more a woman worthy of honor. And it comes as such a shock sometimes that Nathan does honor me. He showed me, again, how much, recently. There's a set of pots and pans I've been eyeing for some time at Costco. A set that would would make cooking even more fun, because clean-up is so easy, and things don't burn or stick to them. Nathan brought them home for me Friday night. I had totally given up on getting them and had contented myself with the ones I had. He finds so many ways to show how much he cherishes me. It's awesome too, because I used to really get on him to bless me on Christmas. I've gotten better every year til now, quite honestly, I don't care if he gets me anything. Just having him as a husband is enough.

Jesus' Party

Bella was convinced all day yesterday that today was Jesus' party, because we told her it was His birthday. She told our friend Paul-"tommorow is Jesus' party and He's gonna come and I'm gonna see Him." Someday we will be going to His party.

Oh Man

this has been the weirdest week. I woke up Monday, having gone to bed perfectly fine, with a throat that felt like someone had rubbed nails across it and with my voice changed to that of an 80 year old smoker. And I'm still sick. It's saturday, and i'm still sick! That's what's really weird-i'm never sick this long. The darn thing keeps changing form on me and attacking different parts of my body. All that to say that everything seems so much harder and sadder when I'm sick. Nathan works six days a week, and is gone for 11 hours. I really really miss him. What was I thinking when i thought the Land was hard? I had my Nathan right there with me all the time. So all week i've been looking forward to today, christmas eve. Last night when he came home he told me he had to work right when he walked in the door. It was so sad. I just couldn't stop crying. That was my christmas present, to have Nathan home for two full days. He thought the store would be closed so he didn't ask, and his boss automatically thought he was working, so he told everyone the store was open. I just hope he gets off at two!!!!!
I also got a call from my midwife this morning and she told me I have active group B strep. It's easily treated with antibiotics, but since I guess I am a carrier normally, (I didn't test positive for it my other two pregnancies) that makes having a baby at home a little more scary. They will give me antibiotics during labor if I want, so that's reassuring. But through this minor problem (minor for now) I found out from the pharmacy that my insurance has been terminated. Now for those of you who haven't dealt with Medi-cal, this can be a nightmare. I'm praying everything will work out smoothly.
It's funny, all week I've been looking forward to this day as a day of absolute bliss. Ouch.

Henna

I got a bunch of free henna off of freecycle last week. I meant it for me, but when i looked at my two girls i wondered how cute they'd be with red hair.
Well, the cutest ever. I just had to share these pic's of them.

Onions

I've always wondered, as I stand at my counter, barely able to see because my eyes are tearing so bad, with a sharp knife in my hand, what's wrong with this picture?

Fairy Tale

I can remember back to before I knew Jesus. It's hazy, and rather difficult, almost unreal, but I can remember. What I recall the most is The Search. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, but nevertheless I was driven to find it. Terribly driven. I left home at 12, and started traveling around the country with various people (not my parents.) I tried so many things. I looked for my salvation in this world. I dreamed of my soulmate, and tried desperately to find him. I thought that was the answer to my pain, my emptiness, my lonliness even when I was in a room full of friends. Little did I know there was One closer than any brother,standing near. And that my soulmate was not a he, but a He. There's a song by 100 portraits that sings about the fairy tale coming true, about the prince actually coming. And He has. He has come into my life. It's strange that in this world, nothing ever turns out right. If things start out good, they get bad. But thats not so with the things of God, with God. Everything gets better as time wears on. Isn't it amazing that the stories are true, that we do have a knight in shining armor. I am blown away by the fact that there is someone inherently and eternally good in this world. That He has no turning. That He loves US. A few years back, a friend looked me in the eyes and said, "sara, one day we'll be in HEAVEN." And once again it blew my mind (God does that alot) that the Lord would want to shower us with absolute bliss for eternity.
I have a wonderful family. I can see love glow in my childrens eyes when I look at them. I have a romantic husband who loves me to distraction. And I love him to distraction. He's my best friend, and i don't think I could get any closer to him if I tried. But if there's one thing steady in both our hearts, and something we hope to impart to our children, is that the Lord is our husband, the Glorious Love of our life. And that's so wonderful. It makes our marriage healthy and strong. Sometimes we listen to the love songs on the radio and i get so sad. They sing of a love that is unattainable by human standards. Love that is pure, eternal, all-encompassing, and unconditional. One song in particular always catches me. A few of the lines go like this "I don't care who you are, what you've done, where you're from, as long as you love me." ??????!! Human love is based on knowledge. When I was searching still, for Jesus, i was drawn to these songs. Yes, I admit, I loved some backstreet boys and N-sync songs. The passion of some of the songs, the longing, drew me. It echoed the cry of my heart.
But we can sing now of the fulfillment of our hearts- the finding of Love, Himself.

He brought me to His banqueting table

And His banner over me is Love

Tree by Leaf
"Something Unconditional"
from Evening Treatise






You may think
you've got the answer
resting in your head


But you know it's not of Jesus
that brings you to the edge
Soon enough you think it's over
It's really just began
When you think you're close to heaven
you find you're on the run

It's plain to see the tears you're hiding
you never hide them all
You think how can He still love me
when everythings' my fault
just remember every sparrow
how little they can do
yet He feeds every tiny sparrow
think how much He loves you

so when you stop
and think of heaven
smile because you know
it's not a land of house or mangers
it'll soon be your home

And if you ever get discouraged
think of what He's done
God saw we needed forgiveness

and let us kill His Son

Kicked

Do you ever feel like you're on the ground and you keep trying to get up, but then a person standing over you (who won't go away) kicks you to the ground again? That's how I feel right now. I feel kicked.

I have an anger problem. I get REALLY mad. And I'm mad right now. Everytime I think about this latest mess, i'm just furious. And then I pray, and I come to a reasonable peace. Then I think about it again, and I'm angry again. It's been rather amusing watching myself swing back and forth between emotions. To have to keep deliberately deciding to leave it in God's hands. And to stop taking it back and give it my own spin, my own direction, to fix it. I don't want to be the kind of woman who fights for her rights. The bible says God is our defender. If I need to get kicked and knocked down to keep the moral higher ground, so be it. But at the same time, I want my rights, i want justice, I want people to leave me the hell alone if all their going to do is bring a mess. I'm so tired.
From the earliest age, I have been taught that you don't let anyone take advantage of you. You fight back. But's God's way is different. "If a man takes your shirt, give him your cloak also" "If a man makes you go one mile, go with him two" "If you get smacked on the cheek, turn the other one too" Paraphrased, obviously. I wonder if you have to keep turning your cheek, or if once is sufficient? Just kidding. Unfortanately, I know the answer.

thanksgiving


We had an unexpected guest on Thanksgiving. A homeless kid with no family bumped into some friends of ours and when asked how he was doing, he burst into tears. We had the privilege of bringing him into our home for a few days. I spoiled him with lattes and Nathan spoiled him with movies and unlimited computer access. But my Bella, my little girl, blessed him the most, I think. She walked up to him and earnestly said "Jesus died on the cross! He died for me, Hannah, mommy, daddy, and He died for YOU!
I thought my heart was going to burst with joy. My 3 year old, preaching the gospel. I don't know why i'm so surprised that God has answered my prayers for her, that she would love Him even now, as a child. But He has. She loves Him. That was such a precious gift on Thanksgiving, to see my daughters' heart for the Lord. I see pure evangelism in her- so much love bubbling up in her heart that she has to speak of it.