Kicked

Do you ever feel like you're on the ground and you keep trying to get up, but then a person standing over you (who won't go away) kicks you to the ground again? That's how I feel right now. I feel kicked.

I have an anger problem. I get REALLY mad. And I'm mad right now. Everytime I think about this latest mess, i'm just furious. And then I pray, and I come to a reasonable peace. Then I think about it again, and I'm angry again. It's been rather amusing watching myself swing back and forth between emotions. To have to keep deliberately deciding to leave it in God's hands. And to stop taking it back and give it my own spin, my own direction, to fix it. I don't want to be the kind of woman who fights for her rights. The bible says God is our defender. If I need to get kicked and knocked down to keep the moral higher ground, so be it. But at the same time, I want my rights, i want justice, I want people to leave me the hell alone if all their going to do is bring a mess. I'm so tired.
From the earliest age, I have been taught that you don't let anyone take advantage of you. You fight back. But's God's way is different. "If a man takes your shirt, give him your cloak also" "If a man makes you go one mile, go with him two" "If you get smacked on the cheek, turn the other one too" Paraphrased, obviously. I wonder if you have to keep turning your cheek, or if once is sufficient? Just kidding. Unfortanately, I know the answer.