Well, i said goodbye to the pity party and decided to go back to just coping. I realized something today, though. I have been terribly, horribly, wonderfully spoiled my whole Christian walk, til we moved down here. Actually, since even before I was a Christian, by the Christians I knew. Before now, I was involved in 2 real, loving, close knit comunities. Prodigal Project and Hope church in michigan. In addition to those two communities, I was also semi-adopted into the most wonderful family on the planet- the Bells. I have been surrounded by exceptional people that have taken the bible literally, and reached out to whoever is in need, sacrificilly. Nathan and I have had so much love showered on us, when we were students at the Land being discipled, to being newlyweds at Hope church, and then when we were staff again at the Land. After I had Bella the church did a rotation and made us meals for a month, cleaned my house, and brought us groceries. That was something they did for every new mom, every new baby. That's the kind of thing I'm used too. That's what I viewed as normal. But it's not. I was really angry yesterday. I've repented and realized that it matters what kind of Christian I am. I want to walk in the footsteps of all the people in my life that have poured themselves out for me and for everyone around them.